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(Trigger Warning for Traumatic Pregnancy)
πͺπ‘ππ ππ¨ππ¬ ππ§π±π’πππ² ππ§π πππ’π§π π€π’ππ€ππ ππ ππ’π¦ππ¬ π‘ππ―π π’π§ ππ¨π¦π¦π¨π§? And what is the first step to healing from anxiety? And, what do they have in common??? It is quite simple and pretty obvious but doesnβt seem to be talked about muchβ¦
Some moments in time are simply sacred, maybe even a little surreal. For me, it was my firstbornβs 25th birthday, but really, it was much more than his birthday, it was 25 years, actually 26 years that he had been a part of my life. As women who have had the privilege of being pregnant will recognize our children hold our hearts for many months before their first breath.
It was his (Calebβs) birthday gathering in sunny Florida. March is beautiful in Florida with clear blue skies and temperatures in the mid-seventies. As usual, with any gathering with five sons, thereβs lots of noise and activity and a full house!
At the time of the party, my sons range from the ages of 16-26. While theyβre the size of full-grown men, they still act like schoolboys jumping in and out of the pool, body slamming, dunking, and harassing one another. (I still cringe hoping no one gets hurt!!)
I wanted to pull my firstborn (Caleb) and his wife for a quiet moment of reflection amidst the chaos. I finally got the moment and we sat down at the same big, round, wooden kitchen table that I had shopped for years earlier. As we sat down, I set a journal on the table. It was the journal I had used during the tumultuous year that I was pregnant with himβ¦.
You see, my pregnancy with him was far from the usual.
When I was pregnant with my first son (I tend to refer to them by numbers like first, second, third, 1, 2, 3.. since there are 5Β π₯³), to call it a complicated pregnancy would be an understatement.
It was actually quite traumatic with highs and lows. You see, I had spotted it on and off for weeks. The doctor wasnβt overly concerned about this because my hormonal levels were increasing at appropriate levels.
At 8 weeks, I went in for an appointment. I was so excited to hear the heartbeat and get some reassurance that all was well after spotting for so long.
But, there was no heartbeat. AND, I was still bleeding and the bleeding had increased significantly. AND, part of the amniotic sac was gone. I was diagnosed as miscarrying and sent home for the weekend to wait. I was devastated.
Page forward to the following week. I am sitting at the end of the exam table preparing for a DNC. The doctor turns to me and asks, βYouβre still nauseous? Letβs run a quick sonogram.β
So he ran a sonogram. By some miracle, there he was!!! With an amazingly strong heartbeat!!! AND jumping up and down on the sonogram as though he was on a trampoline! I was beyond thrilled! And, I was scared.
Because of these events and my pregnancy being high-risk, my doctor had me stop for a few minutes each day to monitor his movements. One day I recorded 42 kicks in 2 minutes!! An hour later, I had 15 kicks in 15 minutes, then the 3rd time I had 3 kicks in 3 minutes. (Yes, this was a sign of things to come! He is spunky and full of life and energyβ₯οΈ)
Why am I sharing this? (Besides it being fascinating to meΒ π) Because;Β
I had something BIG get my attention
When I didnβt slow down and observe the kicks, I did not even notice I was being kicked!!Β
ππ¨π°Β ππ¨ππ¬Β ππ‘π’π¬Β π«ππ₯πππΒ ππ¨Β ππ§π±π’πππ²?
Many of us have a similar experience with anxiety. I had similar experiences with anxiety. It becomes normalβ¦. We get used to functioning with it not even recognizing how intense it isβ¦ I might get kicked by anxiety 42 times in 2 minutes, but if it’s my normβ¦. I just keep clickβn alongβ¦ It may be wreaking havoc on my nervous system and I donβt even notice it!
So, the ONE thing that changed my life is AWARENESS!
π¦Awareness is the first step in healing.Β
π¦Awareness helps us recognize our emotions.
π¦Awareness directs us to our symptoms.
π¦Awareness allows us to understand ourselves at a deeper level.
π¦Awareness connects cause to effect.
π¦Awareness gives us the power to change.
You see, my firstborn had my undivided attention. I was familiar with him even when he was yet to be born. I was attentive to who he was⦠I observed him. I understood him. I loved him. And I was very aware of him. I even knew his personality. I could identify that he was spunky and full of life. I knew he would love people. I had a sense of him being an extrovert and always on the go. And he is ALL those things!! He had my undivided attention. I was totally and completely aware of him, down to 42 kicks in 2 minutes.
πΈSo I ask you as I ask myself, are you aware of yourself?Β
πΊAre you aware and attentive?Β
πΏDo you understand your emotions and what makes you anxious or uneasy?
You see, anxiety disconnects us from ourselves. With clients, I encourage them to become internally connected with themselves, and as we do, we will awaken. So, awareness is the first step in getting to know yourself and becoming very connected with yourself. This is the first KEY to living free from anxiety.
Thinking about my story in the opening where I was so aware of my firstbornβs movement and really his soul, I was always connected with him because I was aware. I was focused. He had my attention.
Begin to give yourself that same kind of attention. That kind of focus will increase your awareness of yourself. It will increase your awareness of your needs.
The first step in healing is to become intimately aware of yourself in order to heal your wounds, and as we heal, we grow in awareness. Itβs a self-perpetuating cycle.
Awareness gives us clarity because it connects us with cause to effect. We will begin to find specific instances where we are experiencing anxiety and then weβre gonna go a layer deeper and look at what that cause is and then look at how it affects us. This awareness will give us confidence because itβll empower us to make better decisions for ourselves. Are you ready?
If you have experienced a traumatic pregnancy and need help working through your loss, please reach out. I consider it a privilege to walk with you through it.
Text or call for a free consultation at (813) 540-6468.
