Hi there,
As we move deeper into December, I want to talk about something so many of us struggle with silently:
the person you dread seeing during the holidays.
We all have that someone.. the family member or in-law who leaves us tense, unsettled, angry, or second-guessing ourselves. Maybe it’s the passive-aggressive relative who makes subtle comments. Maybe it’s the person who delivers guilt trips, expects too much, or offers unsolicited opinions about your life. Or the one who drains your energy the moment they walk into the room.
If you’re feeling anxious about navigating these dynamics, please know this:
Your reaction makes perfect sense.
It’s not that you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”
It’s that your nervous system remembers the patterns.
The holidays can pull you back into old roles you never chose:
the peacemaker
the perfect one
the strong one
the fixer
the quiet one
the one who overfunctions
the one who absorbs other people’s moods
These patterns were once survival strategies. You didn’t fail, you adapted.
But just because these dynamics were familiar doesn’t mean they’re healthy for you now.
So here’s your gentle reminder:
You are allowed to protect your energy.
You are allowed to set boundaries.
You are allowed to choose peace over obligation.
I talk with clients about having a pocket full of phrases. What I mean by this is take some time to pre-game… Get ready. Review typical scenarios and patterns that occur and prepared a couple boundaries phrases that feel authentic to you. Here are a few grounding boundary phrases you can use (and edit to your wording) this season:
For guilt trips:
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but that doesn’t work for me this year.”
For unsolicited opinions:
“I’m not looking for advice right now, but thank you.”
For passive-aggressive comments:
“That’s an interesting point of view.”
For draining interactions:
“I’m going to step outside for a minute.” or “I’m heading out a bit early tonight.”
Give yourself permission to remove yourself from an unsettling conversation. Give yourself permission to disengage. Give yourself permission to protect you peace.
You don’t owe anyone access to your inner world or emotional energy just because it’s a family member, or the holidays. You don’t have to be available for every conversation, every expectation, or every pattern that used to define you.
This season might be the first time you choose yourself.
And if you’re noticing that certain relationships activate old wounds or leave you dysregulated long after the interaction ends, that’s a sign your body may be holding deeper emotional imprints that are ready to be released.
If you’d like support in doing that work, you’re welcome to schedule a complimentary pre-admission call to explore whether a Trauma Healing Intensive may be the right next step for you.
You can also go deeper into emotional grounding and daily regulation with my book, Stress Relief for Busy Moms, Entrepreneurs, Caregivers & Professionals, and the companion Stress Relief Journal — both created to help you stay centered, calm, and connected to yourself even in challenging seasons.
Sending you strength, clarity, and so much compassion as you move through the remainder of this month.
You are allowed to protect your peace. 💫
Warmly,
Jayme Nicole MacCullough, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Trauma Specialist
